Lean Not Unto Your Own Understanding

It is good that God does not expect us to understand each nuance of our journey with Him; if he did, I'd be lost. I am in a spiritual "holding dock" right now, moving neither forward nor backward, just waiting to see what God will do next. Perhaps it is like the safe, secure darkness of a womb, with birth pending but unseen. I like that analogy; it's very positive.

It may be my overly busy schedule that is keeping me from "feeling" God as I normally do. Or perhaps it is the calm after a great, stressful storm, and I am allowed to float free on my raft without wind, at least for a time. I am not in the doldrums exactly (pictured at left), but I'm not moving forward either.

But this will pass. Perhaps I just need a spot of rest. For now I will fall back on His wings and let Him fly. I'll relax like a feather in the wind.

Seeing a Gift

Lord, how can I thank you for what you have done?

As I slowly moved into consciousness this morning, God made me aware that a significant prayer request, one that has been on my heart for well over a year, has been answered. It's funny that I didn't see it - at least not completely - till now, though God made it real some days ago.

Sometimes He does big things quietly, in a very humble way, such as when the King of Heaven stepped into our time and space in a stable. We must have faith that He is working in our lives, even when things do not seem to change. Who knows what small, imperceptible things are moving below the surface to be revealed at a later time? My prayer has been answered. Quietly. Beautifully. Perfectly. And for this, gratitude rises in my chest like a sweet, warm tide.

Thank you, Lord, for what you have done.

Doing His Will

I attended a women's retreat many years ago and the speaker said something that has always stuck with me. She advised that if things aren't going well for us spiritually - perhaps we're just not connecting with God - we should look back on the last thing God asked us to do to determine if we've done it. While walking through a spiritually dry or difficult place is not always the result of disobedience, oftentimes it is, and it's good to discern whether that's the root cause of the struggle at hand.

For some time God has been nudging me toward a change that I've been resisting; till now, that is. I was concerned about letting others down and I was clinging to a stubborn hope that things would get better. My lack of action caused me to feel inreasingly distant from my Source. It took a toll on my day-to-day walk with Him - even affecting my faith in some areas - and that was tough! I didn't connect the two, though, until the speaker's advice rose to the forefront of my consciousness. I realized that the spiritual weight I'd been carrying was a direct result of my resistance to His direction. That resistance was rooted in a lack of trust; otherwise, I would have immediately said yes to His request.

I am now breathing a figurative sigh of relief. It's always better to do His will. I feel I've gone from darkness into light, and the air I'm breathing is far fresher on this side!

Unity in Christ

I wish that we could see that Christ is what matters, not the issues that divide and prevent true unity in Him.

"How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!" Psalm 133:1-3

There is a ministry to which I wish to give my time, talent and treasure, but I've been told that in order to do this, I must sign a statement of faith that is, in part, counter to the doctrines of my Church. We honor the same Creator, believe in the same Christ, are filled with the same Holy Spirit, yet words on a page prevent our working together to love in His name.

I am trying to get my head around all of this.

I know that the Lord is in charge and that brings me peace. If we are not allowed to work together in unity, I can love others in His name all the same. The problem is that there is a big need, and Christians working together can accomplish so much more than when working alone... or, at times, against one another.

I know there are differences in the way our faith is expressed, nuances in our beliefs, and even large differences in our doctrine, but I'm not joining a church; rather, I merely wish to stand alongside other Christians to serve in God's name.

My situation is miniscule in comparison, but I can't help but think of St. Thomas More in The Man for All Seasons. He didn't wish to defy King Henry VIII, but his hand was forced. In the end, his head rolled because he couldn't sign his name to a document that stood against his Church.

I'm happy that I've been able to give much to this ministry already. By God's grace, a significant amount of treasure has flowed into its coffers through the efforts of many within my parish; for that I am grateful. If I am not allowed to serve within its walls, I will continue to refer others to its services from the outside. Even so, I wish that working together for good were more important than our differences.

"May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." John 17:23

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus." Romans 15:5

"Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spririt through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:3

On Growing Weary

May I never forget the real purpose of life.

In the words of Jesus, these are the greatest commandments, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (St. Matthew 22:37-40)

But sometimes we grow weary. St. Paul must've known that the rocks of disappointment, grief and disillusionment weigh us down as we collect them through life. That's why he asks us to remain steadfast in our role as people of good works. "Let us not become weary in doing good," he tells us in Galatians 6:9, "for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." God is with us. Always.

In that spirit, I offer the following poem I found in a tiny corner of cyperspace. I wish I knew the author. It reminds me of a friend's email sign-off: MTPOCDU. I asked him one day what it meant. His answer: May the peace of Christ disturb us.

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
Amen

Come, Holy Spirit

Tonight is the youth confirmation Mass at my parish; I will leave in a short while. I prepared little gifts for them (a Rosary and some poems) and in anticipation of that I looked for Holy Spirit images on the Internet. What came up astounded me: a plethora of diverse images, mostly doves, that represent the immense power we are given in the Holy Spirit. Just think of it: He dwells within us! What He gives is beyond understanding. May the eleven youth being confirmed tonight be filled with power from on high and may it remain with them always.

Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful; kindle in us the fire of your love.

Lord, Have Mercy

Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Well, I failed a test last night. I didn't live up to what I posted below, graciousness in times of trial and difficulty.

There is something about withstanding trials with dignity that just feels good. God gives peaceful endurance when times are tough, and He doesn't ask us to do ANYTHING for which He doesn't provide strength... if we are willing to receive it and not battle against it.

Like the "Little Engine that Could" (a favorite childhood book), I must believe that there is a top to the mountain with a strength-bolstering downhill side. It will come, and probably sooner than I think.

Lord, I love you. Thank you for every bit of strength you have given; thank you for every bit you will give. Help me to put myself aside and shoulder the burden. I know you are with me. Amen.